Ok! Well, I think the most unforgettable event in my life is that I joined the study tour to Australia when I was a high school student. It was what I had dreamed about for a long time. At that time, I was very happy for I would have the precious chance to practice my English and learn more about local’s culture. Everything seemed perfect, but the night before flying to Australia, my tears couldn’t help but flow down because I had never left my warm home and my families for such a long period. And at that very moment, I thought I will miss everyone in my family very much.
As expected, the moment I arrived in Sydney on the first day, I started to miss my mom. I kept asking myself why I had made such a stupid decision and I also heard the voice from the bottom of my heart saying that I don’t like the food in Australia and communicating with foreigners must be very hard for me, all because of my poor English. Everything in Australia was terrible even though all of my friends encouraged me a lot.
However, after three day of Sydney traveling and then I going to Queensland to begin my study in Australia, my previous opinion was changed totally. Happily I made a lot of friends at school. We have morning tea and had PE class together. The most unforgettable memory among this wonderful experience was I lived with two Hong Kong girls, and I can’t believe that we can match so much. We all like shopping, and our favorite color is pink. We chat and sleep every night no matter how crowded the room was.
Thanks to my school buddy, my host family and the two girls gave me such a special memory about my first experience of study tour in Australia. To be honest, I love the life in Australia actually. At the end of the tour, my tears seem to flow down again because it is really hard for me to let go of what I had in Australia. I hope I have chances to see them again in the future.
2010年5月27日 星期四
journal 4
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Hi Cindy,
回覆刪除a. Your short-term studies in Australia seem great!
b. The organizaton of this piece is quite good.
c. The flow of the narrative writing is smooth as well.
d. 而且寫得很詳細, 很有趣
e. Some minor grammar mistakes are listed below:
1. Ok! Well, I think the most unforgettable event in my life is I joined the study tour to Australia. When I was a high school student, I joined the study tour to Australia.
寫得不錯，但這兩大句可以合成一句，這樣可以避免再那麼接近的兩句從覆提到"joined the study tour to Australia。所以可以這樣寫: The most unforgettable event in my life is that I joined the study tour to Australia when I was a high school student.
2.It was what I had dreamed to it for a long time.
把dreamed to it改dreamed about
3. Everything seemed perfect, but before the night flying to Australia, my tears couldn’t help but flow down because I had never left my warm home and my families for such a long period.
第一、but before the night flying to Australia 哈哈,這裏有問題喔，你這樣寫等於是那個"夜晚"會飛而且她要飛到Australia, 要寫 but the night before flying to Australia才對
第二、過去完成式had never left用得很好
3.
And at that very moment, I thought I must be going to miss everyone in my family very much.
這裡的must不對喔, 記得我兩周前上的must跟will的差別嗎?
4.
Without unexpectedly, when I just arrived in Sydney for the first day, I had already missed my mom.
第一、把without unexpectedly改成 As expected
第二、這裡的when跟過去完成式不順，請改成the moment I arrived in Sydney on the first day, I started to miss my mom.
5. I kept going to ask myself why I had made such a stupid decision and I also heard the voice from the bottom of my heart saying that I don’t like the food in Australia and communicating with foreigners must be very hard for me, all because of my poor English.
用I kept asking myself...
6. Everything in Australia was terrible even though all of my friends encouraged me a lot.
OK
7. However, after three day of Sydney traveling, and then going to Queensland to begin my study in Australia, my previous opinion was changed totally.
這一句要大修一下，因為主詞的變換有問題，語意上有有問題喲...上課再說
9. Happily I made a lot of friends at school. We ate morning tea and had PE class together.
我想...tea不適用eat/ate這個字
10. The most unforgettable memory among this wonderful experience was I lived with two Hong Kong girls, and I can’t believe that we can match so much. We all like shopping, and our favorite color is pink. We chat and sleep every night no matter how crowded the room was.
Sounds great!
11. Thanks to my school buddy, my host family and the two girls gave me such a special memory.
這一句的意思上不合邏輯, 再看一下buddy (buddies)跟host family和 girls是怎麼成就你的memorry的。
12. ...because I really can hardly let go of what I have in Australia.
改成: ...because it is really hard for me to let go of what I had in Australia.