I have already cleaned the campus about a semester and I can’t stand it anymore. I have to get up early in the cold morning every day and ride my scooter to school. Do you know why I always go to school early? Just because I have a class named Labor Education in the early morning. I think it is the stupidest thing I have ever done as a college freshman.
Well, I really can’t understand what is the school's purpose for carrying out such a project. Save money which pays off the cleaner on campus? Mum… I think it is the most possible reason for that. Therefore, I have to clean the campus everyday but do you know the Labor Education is a required course. And the most unbelievable thing is that the Labor Education is zero credit. I can’t believe my ears when I heard the news.
Oh, the only thing I feel happy about the labor education is: I don't need to clean the campus when I turn a sophomore next semester. So I don’t need to get up early in the cold morning and ride my scooter to school in order to do the stupid thing. Wow, I am full of energy when thinking about I don’t have the Labor Education anymore!!!!!!
Hi CINDY (No Robert, sorry...><''''),
回覆刪除1. You have a good introduction paragraph.
2. 但是由於第一段太好了，顯得第二段的論點比較沒有我預期的好...
3. 第三段有笑點.哈
4.其他如下，要改喔:
1. I have already cleaned the campus about a semester and I can’t stand it anymore. 寫得很好
2. I have to get up early in the cold morning everyday and ride my scoter to school.
請把everyday改副詞
有一個字拼錯
3. Do you know why should I go to school so early?
why這個問句是間接問句, 所以助動詞should不用倒裝 (而且我覺得這一句用should怪怪的，用why I always go to school early? 是不是較合你想寫的?)
4. Just because I have a class named Labor Education. 加入 in the early morning
5. I think it is the most stupid thing I did when I am a freshman in college.
改成: I think it is the stupidest thing I have ever done as a college freshman.
6. Well, I really can’t understand what the purpose of school to carry out the project.
改成...what is the school's purpose for carrying out such a project.
7. However, I have to clean the campus everyday but do you know the Labor Education is required course.
however接得很怪耶, 轉折的很畸形喔
第二 course是可數名詞
8. And the most unbelievable thing is that the Labor Education was zero credit. I can’t believe my ears when I heard the news.
這句寫得很好但was要改is
9. Oh, the only thing I feel happy is I don’t need to clean the campus when I am a sophomore in the next semester.
哈哈很悲情的好笑
改一下: the only thing I feel happy about the labor education is: I don't need to clean the campus when I turn a sophomore next semster
10. So I don’t need to get up early in the cold morning and ride my scoter to school in order to do the stupid thing.
有個字拼錯
11. Wow, I full of energy when I thinking about I don’t have the Labor Education anymore!!!!!!
前面少了be動詞
thinking為什麼用ing?是想寫: when thinking嗎? 那不用I喔